What is Communication skills ?

Effective Communication Skills

INTRODUCTION

All of us use communication skills when we use them at home with our family members, at school or college with our classmates and teachers, in the workplace with our bosses and colleagues, on our computers when we answer emails, and on the telephone when we order pizza. In fact, communication is the lifeblood of social as well business world.

MEANING

Communication is the process by which we give, receive or exchange information with others. Communication means interacting with others:

To promote understanding;
To achieve a result of some kind;
To pass information to another person so that they can take action.
It can involve speaking, listening or writing. This information does not necessarily need to be hard facts. Sometimes just a shrug of the shoulder can act as our means of communication.

PURPOSE OF COMMUNICATION

One might think we would all live quite happily without communicating at all, but no – we all need to communicate throughout our life. Communication is a fundamental part of human life. Since we spend a lot of our daily life communicating in one way or another, we should be very good at it, but unfortunately, this is not the case. Life would be a lot easier if we always knew exactly what others were trying to say. Quite often people fail to communicate in a way that you could understand.

Ann Dobson (2000) has said:
“Nowhere is effective communication more important than at work. Vital information needs to be given, received, exchanged and understood hundreds of times in every working day. Many business transactions go wrong simply because of poor communication between people concerned.”

PROCESS OF COMMUNICATION

The communication process involves the sender who transmits a message through a selected channel to the receiver.

THE CHANNEL

Information is transmitted over a ‘channel’ that links the sender with the receiver. The channel may be a computer, a telephone, a television, or face-to-face conversation. At times, two or more channels are used. The proper selection of channel is vital for effective communication.

Not only must information or instructions or ideas be passed from one party to another, but the ‘receiving’ party must also understand exactly what the ‘sending’ or ‘transmitting’ party had in mind. If one party does not clearly understand the meaning of a message – or misunderstands or misinterprets its meaning – errors and mistakes, disagreements and disputes, and even accidents, can occur.

below depicts this concept.

Communication process model

KEY ELEMENTS OF COMMUNICATION

There are three key elements in the communication process. They are the following:

You: You bring professional experience, education and training to the communication process. How you communicate shows you.
Your audience: In order to be an effective communicator, you need to know who your audience is. You need different means, content and language with different categories of people.
Your message: The message element is equally important. What do you want to say? What is the best way to communicate your message? All messages should contain who, what, when, where, why and how (as appropriate to the message).

CHARACTERISTICS OF EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION

Effective messages have the following characteristics:

Clear: Communication should be clear and self-explanatory about why it has been transmitted.
Complete: The information given should be complete and should not have any scope for questions.
Correct: The information provided should be correct and based on facts. Facts should be given rather than impressions.
Save reader’s time: Written communication should be such that the reader saves time in understanding the message.
Create goodwill: The pleasant, correct and clear message will result in creating goodwill for the sender of the message.
Clarify and condense information: Business messages should frequently use tables, photos or diagrams to clarify or condense information, to explain a process, or to emphasize important information.
State precise responsibilities: Business messages are directed to specific audience. Therefore, you must clearly state what is expected of, or what you can do for, that particular audience.
Persuade and recommend: Business messages are frequently given to customers, clients, management or subordinates to accept the suggestions and recommendations given.

below shows the characteristics of effective communication.

Characteristics of effective communication

TOOLS OF COMMUNICATION (Types of Communications)

There are four basic tools of good communication:

• Listening
• Speaking
• Reading
• Writing

All four of these skills can be learned and improved. First, you must want to improve your communication skills. Next, you must understand them, and recognize their importance in the communication process. Then, you need to learn some new skills. Finally, you must practise good skills to become a better, more effective communicator.

At an early age we begin to learn to speak, early enough that it is difficult to remember the process. However, most of us can recall learning to read and write. These are skills we learn from parents and teachers. We spend most of our communication time listening. Yet, listening is a skill we are not taught, unlike writing, reading and speaking. Probably listening is the most important communication skill we can develop.

VERBAL COMMUNICATION

Verbal communication can be classified into the following:

FACE-TO-FACE COMMUNICATION

It is the easiest. You can explain what you mean. If a person does not understand, ask yourself:

Are you using the language they understand – not difficult but simple words?
Are your ideas going over their heads?
There are three areas that matter in communication:
Words: what we say.
Tone: how we say.
Body language: how we look when we are saying it.
Advantages of face-to-face communication:
People can see what you mean.
Eye contact helps you establish if the other person is listening and understanding.
Your body language can help them believe what you are saying.
Disadvantages of face-to-face communication:
You can give away your true feelings.
The other person may not understand the words you say.
They may not like the way you are saying words.

USING TELEPHONE

While on telephone:

Talk as if you were face-to-face with the other person.
Talk pleasantly.
Sound alert and interested.
Talk normally. Avoid speaking too softly or loudly.
Speak words clearly and properly.
Listen carefully and concentrate on what is being said.
Do not allow distractions in the room to interfere with your listening abilities.

LISTENING SKILLS

Most people are born with good hearing, but not good listening skills. Listening is a mental process requiring effort, and we can learn how to be good listeners. There are some simple steps to becoming a better listener, but they take practice to achieve results.

Here are some ways to listen better whether in a large group or one-to-one:

Give your full attention.
Do not assume what the other person is going to say.
Do not waste listening time formulating what your reply is going to be.
Show by eye contact and an interested expression that you are paying attention.
Make notes if appropriate.
Be patient for the entire message.
Be aware of speech cues (who, what, where, when, why, how).
Listen for ideas, not just facts. (Stories, reasons, goals help us remember facts.)
Verify: “So you’re saying that…”
Question: “What do you mean when you say…?”
Acknowledge: Look at the speaker and nod.
Silence: This allows you to give your undivided attention to the other person. This method is especially useful when people come to you with strong feelings – either positive or negative. Their first need is simply to share the feelings and to have someone listen.
Encourage: “Tell me more.” “Would you like to talk about it?”

SPEAKING SKILLS

Before speaking it is necessary for the speaker to know what to say and how to say it. Both the content and manner are important. A wrong word here and there and/or an unpleasant tone could cause irreparable damage.

You should also know your audience – their level of knowledge, age-group, interest level, goals, hierarchy etc. This will enable you to reach out to them irrespective of the fact whether you are speaking to a single individual, a small group of people, or even a large audience.

Another approach is to ask questions in order to be able to respond in an effective manner. These could be posed in the following manner:

Close-ended questions: They are designed to clarify and can be answered with a ‘Yes’ or ‘No’ response.
“Did you complete the assignment?”
“Do you require a little more time to do it?”
Open-ended questions: They are designed to get more information, and cannot be answered with a simple ‘Yes’ or ‘No’.
“How will you explain the law of Demand and Supply?”
“How can we assure you of our commitment to the project?”
One-point solution: This technique:
Identifies an urgent concern;
Focuses on one issue at a time;
Forces a choice; and
Leads to a specific solution:
“What is the one thing that will make you agree to this proposal?”
“What is the best strategy to increase sales?”
‘Loaded question’: You must avoid asking a ‘loaded’ question – which means that the person asking the question ‘loads’ the expected answer into the question (or forces the other person to accept what they had no intention of doing).
“When did you stop quarreling with your wife?”
(It assumes that you quarrel with your wife!)

“Don’t you agree we should consult the General Manager before we decide on this matter?”
(Obviously the other person cannot disagree!)

NON-VERBAL COMMUNICATION

Approximately 75 per cent of our day-to-day communication is non-verbal. We communicate a lot without saying a word. The success of verbal communication also depends to a large extent on our non-verbal communication, as ‘actions’ speak louder than words.

ATTITUDE

You have the choice of how to approach an issue. You might come across situations that may discourage or disrupt you.

You can have either positive or negative attitude to a problem:

You can choose to face obstacles with positive thinking:
Cheerfulness
Orderliness
Optimism
“How can we do it? Let’s think about it.”
“Why don’t we try it?”
Or with negative thinking:
Stubbornness
Hopelessness
Nastiness
“We won’t.” (implies a decision)
“We can’t.” (lack of power, sense of defeat)

BEHAVIOUR

Our attitudes lead us to certain behaviour. Behaviour and attitude operate together for most people. If we have positive attitude we tend to act positively, look for options, and seek solutions to problems. On the other hand, negative attitude leads to a feeling of defeat, and consequently to negative behaviour.

BODY LANGUAGE

We almost always express ourselves using what is known as body language.

Body language can be:

A frown on your face;
A smile;
Crossing your arms;
Tapping your feet;
Gestures;
Facial expressions etc.
Some show hostility, others show friendliness.

SPACE

In order to communicate effectively with people, we need to understand acceptable boundaries of space. Given below is an indication of how we generally use space in the communication process:

Public space: It ranges from 10 to 20 feet between the audience and the speaker, such as at a press conference or an election meeting.
Social space: It ranges from 4 to 10 feet, for example, communication among business associates, meeting strangers in public places.
Personal space: It ranges from 2 to 4 feet, for example, among friends and family members, waiting in a queue at an ATM.
Intimate space: There is no minimum range for contact with parents, spouses, children and close friends.

DEALING WITH CONFLICT

Every human being experiences conflict. It is a factor of human interaction. Whenever two or more people are involved in communication, there is potential for misunderstanding, and hence, conflict. How we handle conflict is the key to our own well-being and to developing and maintaining good relationships.

There are three basic ways to deal effectively with conflict situations:

Listen carefully to determine the nature of the conflict;
Identify areas of agreement; and
Allow the other person a way out.

NEGOTIATION, PERSUASION, MEDIATION

The starting point for negotiating in conflict situations is to realise who the distressed, unhappy or concerned individual is. Human nature often causes us to assume it is “the other person.” We say to ourselves, “It’s their problem.” In reality, we actually are the distressed party in the conflict.

Once we realise we have control over only our own behaviour, we have taken the first step in resolving conflict. Remember, your behaviour is in your control. You cannot control the other person’s behaviour, except by changing your own actions toward that individual.

There are at least three tools to use to effect behaviour change:

Negotiation: Arranging or managing through discussion or compromise;
Persuasion: Moving your argument to a new position or belief;
Mediation: Intervening in conflict with intent to resolve through discussion.
All three tools require you to present information in the form of facts. Information involves identifying who, what, where, when, why, and how. Agreement or at least presentation of information can lead to discovering ways to persuade individuals involved in conflict. Persuasion involves using information to convince others that there is more than one way to look at an issue. Mediation usually introduces a third party to the conflict in an attempt to resolve problems.

There are a variety of negotiation solutions to conflict. One that is easy to learn and use is the ‘one-point’ solution. This technique involves getting feedback in the communication process, and involves open-ended questions.

The one-point solution is the difference between asking for:

General feedback like, “What is it you really want?” or
Specific response like, “What is the one thing that will make you change your mind?”
If you get only one response, it is usually something specific to use as the basis for negotiating a solution.

To use the one-point solution just keep the number ‘one’ in mind when asking questions.

Here are some examples:

“What is one thing I could change in my behaviour?”
“What one training programme could I attend to help me the most?”
“What is one question I should ask that I haven’t yet?”
“What is one new service we could offer to put us ahead of competitors?”
“What is one thing you think we need to do to work together better?”
In order to resolve conflict, we must:

Seek agreement on common ground;
Refuse to argue;
Seek commitment and action to change;
Plot the follow-up; and
Deliver on promise.

CRITICISM

When we hear the word ‘criticism’ we usually think of an unfavourable judgment. It is easy to understand how the word generates a negative meaning. If we set out to analyse the worth of one person compared to another, by definition one must look better and one worse than the other.

How do you deal with criticism?
Try to take responsibility if it is yours to have.
Ask yourself if there is anything that you have done to deserve the criticism.
When and how to criticize?
Avoid criticizing publicly. Do so privately.
Avoid using others as good examples because this compares one person to another and can embarrass people.
Choose the teachable moment and offer a one-point solution.
Use phrases that foster team work.
Offer suggestions for improvement, not merely blame.
How to criticize effectively?
Direct your criticism at behaviour, not the person.
Say something positive.
Identify behaviour that can be fixed or changed.
Avoid use of the word ‘You.’
Avoid negative words like ‘No’, ‘Not’, ‘Never’, ‘Shouldn’t’.
Offer specific ways to make changes in behaviour (doable action).

CONTROLLING ANGER

From time to time we all become angry. It is a human characteristic. But we are not born angry, we learn anger. Therefore, it should come as no surprise that we can learn to control it. Although we are not always successful in controlling our anger, the more we practise ways to control it, the more we will succeed.

Once we understand how to deal with our own anger, we can use that understanding to help us deal with anger in others.

How to deal with angry people:
Practise good listening skills (remain silent if necessary).
Avoid interruptions.
Acknowledge anger (do not tell an angry person, “Now, don’t be angry”.)
Do not yell at or lecture angry people (it disrespects their point of view).
Be responsive by verifying the person’s message.
Be specific about what you are going to do to help.
Allow angry people a way out regardless of what they say.

BARRIERS TO COMMUNICATION

There are many barriers to effective communication.

BARRIERS TO EFFECTIVE LISTENING

Here are some barriers to effective listening. You will probably recognize that most of them apply to you all at one time or another:

We can think faster than a speaker can talk, and jump to conclusions.
We are distracted and allow our minds to wander.
We lose patience, and decide we are not interested.
We overreact to what is said and respond emotionally.
We interrupt.
Other barriers include use of ‘absolutes’ and ‘limits’:

Thinking or speaking of absolutes: “It will never work.” “We always do it that way.”
Setting limits: “We tried it that way once!”

BARRIERS TO RESOLVING CONFLICT

Sometimes we create barriers to resolving conflict. If we do not confront the problem soon after identifying conflict, the issues may become more difficult to resolve. Other obstacles to resolution may include the following:

Judging a problem too quickly;
Searching for a single answer, and believing ours is the best;
Assumption of either/or (either it’s my way or not at all);
Deciding that “the problem is theirs, not mine”.

HOW TO OVERCOME BARRIERS TO RESOLVING CONFLICT

Often we create obstacles to resolving conflict when the solutions are simple. If we determine that the conflict could be negotiated, and we are willing to do so, then it will be useful to list some options toward resolution. List them all, even the ones you really do not want. Be creative and invent options that seem unusual. This ‘brainstorming’ technique provides the basis for negotiating. Often ‘crazy’ ideas lead to acceptable ones.

From this point you decide what you can give up, and you find out what the other person can concede. Negotiating a resolution to conflict need not be an ‘either/or’ situation. Both parties in the conflict can win something if there is real effort to resolve the problem. Ask yourself these questions, as you move towards resolution:

Is it worth fighting for?
Can it be negotiated?
Do I want to win the argument more than win a relationship?

OVERCOMING BARRIERS

In order to overcome barriers to effective communication and understand the true meaning of the message that comes through a particular communication, we need to filter the messages.

IDENTIFYING COMMUNICATION FILTERS

When you filter the coffee, grounds are left on the filter paper and only the liquid goes into the jug. A similar thing happens with communication. There are three types of filters which only allow a portion of the message to get through. As a result, we only receive part of the message and, often, only the part that we want to hear.

Attention filters: Physical distractions such as the following:
Noise: other people talking, telephones ringing, traffic, music.
Environment: too hot/cold, poor lighting.
Interruptions: people, telephones.
Timing: trying to talk to someone when they are about to go somewhere or are in the middle of a job.
Emotional filters: These are inherent in the speaker and probably unknown to the other person:
Prejudice: dislike of the other person (pre-conceived notion), the way they are dressed, the message itself.
Status: the other person is higher or lower in the organisation hierarchy, which can affect the way in which you speak and listen to them.
Experience: If previous communication with a person has resulted in an unpleasant experience, you will be wary when approaching them next time, not willing to repeat the experience.
Assumptions: assuming what the message will be and thus not listening properly.
Values and beliefs: We all have our own codes regarding morals, religion, and politics and so on. If the message transgresses these standards, we are likely to switch off.
Word filters: Certain words and phrases can cause us to stop listening to the person who utters them:
Criticism: Few of us like to be criticized: “That was the wrong way to tackle the problem!”
Moralizing: “You shouldn’t have done that!”
Ordering: “I want the report on my desk by Thursday afternoon without fail”.
Threatening: “If you don’t do what I say, you will be in serious trouble”.
Advising: “I suggest that you….” (People will only accept the advice that agrees with their solution. They will respond to advice with the phrase “Yes, but….”
Logical argument: It is too difficult to argue with logic.
Reassuring: “Never mind, everything will turn out all right in the end”.
Diverting: “Yes all right, but as I was saying….”
Jargon: Unless the listener understands the jargon (unfamiliar words and phrases), they will wonder what it means and will not be listening to the rest of the message.

REDUCING THE FILTERS

Even one filter can reduce the effect of or distort communication but in most instances, two or more are operating at the same time. Being aware that they exist is half the battle won in reducing the effect of filters.

It is not always possible to eliminate attention filters, but they can be reduced. If the proposed conversation will take more than a few minutes, find somewhere quiet to hold it and let it be known that you want no interruptions. It is simple enough to get your timing right. If someone approaches you at an inconvenient time, politely tell them so and arrange to meet later.

You can do little about other people’s emotions, but try to put your own on hold when talking and listening to others. If you sense emotional filters becoming barriers, keep your conversation brief and to the point.

Take care over the words and phrases that you use. How would you respond as the listener? If you are on the receiving end, question the speaker, and ask him/her to justify their comments.